Remain (new song... let me know what you think)

Come to me
when I'm at my weakest
Come to me
when I have failed
Come and see
me at my failure
I need you to see me

If you see me then
and you can still look me in the eye
If you see me then
and you still can love me more
If you see me then
and you still open the door to your heart
I know that you will always
remain

Come see me
when I'm broken
Come see me
when I'm angry
Come see me
when I'm so ashamed
Come see me
come see me

If you see me then
and you still hold your arms out for me
If you see me then
And you still call for me
If you see me then
and you pray over me
If you see me then
and you still love me
I know you will
remain

I know that if you can understand me
when I am broken
I know that if you can see the true me
even when I'm lost
I know that if you find me lovely
even when I feel like mess
I know that your love will remain
remain

I'll see you when
you're broken
I'll see you
when the world is crashing in
I'll see you
and I'll hold my arms out to you
I'll see you
and my love will
remain

-GCS 11

12 days

As of tomorrow there will be only 12 days left until I leave Cannon Beach for the second time. I left in 2010 to go after life and to try to figure everything out.. and well God led me back letting me know that He was not finished with me being here in CB. But this time I feel a pull... I felt a pull to leave at the end of the summer but I ignored it thinking I was just getting restless.. But then God gave me the opportunity to do what I love (acting) here in CB and I have met some amazing people because of being in Annie Get Your Gun at the Coaster Theatre. It although stressful and I complain way too much about it, but it has been a blessing to me... I though know that CBCC was going to be a stepping stone. I have known that since the first summer I worked here. I came back because it was an easy answer for unemployment. And I know that people have been trying to convince me to stay here and stay employed and pratically telling me I'm fool for leaving because the job market is soo terrible... I know that the job market is terrible. I know that it will be hard to find a job.. I'm not running into this blindfolded... I know. I feel like God is calling me to step out of this position.. into what.. I'm not sure. I don't know who my next employer will be... I don't know where I'll be in a few months or so... my goal right now is to move home, hopefully start school in the fall and obtain my associates degree... and from there who knows.. but I do know that whatever I'm doing wherever I am is because I feel like God wants me there for that time. CBCC has and is a blessing to me. I have grown up here and learned a lot more within this last year than any other time of my life. But, I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for God to lead me to the next adventure. Join me...

As the year comes to a close I'm reminded of the two words that I felt God speaking to me right before I came here in January of 2011... Run, and Light. I shared these two words with a friend and the vision that I had seen when I heard the word Light in January. She shared that when I was talking about the vision she thought of the Coaster Theatre and how everyone there is going through some trial or another and each one holds their own beleifs and such. And how she felt like it was Light that they needed. Guidance. When she was saying that I got a chill and I knew that it was something God was calling me to be.. A light for them. A light with the way I try to cheer people up, a light in the way I am acting... a light. I'm still not sure about the Run part... But I did come up with the idea.. that we are willing to run for soo many things in our life.. deadlines and tests.. etc.. but are we willing to Run for God? Are we willing to put our relationship with God as the first thing we Run for?

Today this song stuck out to me... I've been in a lull.. I guess you could call it.. I have been lost.. But today I picked up my Bible and I opened and I decided that I needed to start reading it again instead of just skimming.. or finding the "right" verse... So God led me to read through Isaiah... Some of the things that have stuck out to me today from Isaiah were these exerpts out of certain verses.

"Wash yourselves and be clean! Let me no longer see your evil deeds. Give up your wicked ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of widows." - Isaiah: 1:16-17

"Stop putting your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. How can they be of help to anyone?"
-Isaiah 2:22

"If you want me to protect you, learn to believe what I say" -Isaiah 7:9

"Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan concieved behind closed doors will be the end of you." -Isaiah 8:11-12

http://youtu.be/4m_dP2n-5W8

Deliver me...

There is hope
in God
There is hope in
His name
There is hope in
His arms
There is hope
in God

So Deliver me
Deliver me
from the sin
that has captured me
Deliver my soul
because I am to weak
O Lord, Deliver me

There is peace in
God
There is peace in
His name
There is peace in
His eyes
There is peace in
God

So Capture me
with Your love
Surround me with
Your peace
Bless me with
Your Grace
O Lord, Deliver me

I have strayed,
I have wandered
far from You
I have lied,
I have cheated
I have failed You
But here I am
on my face
Pleading for forgiveness
Here I am so ashamed
of my failure....

Please Deliver me
Deliver me
From the sin
that has captured me
Deliver my soul
because I am to weak
O Lord, Deliver me.
                                         -GCS '11

Not that I deserve this forgiveness and mercy. Not because I have earned this love. But because my God is faithful and loves me.. even when I can't love me. He bestows His neverending love and mercy on me... even when I fail. He forgives me when I repent.. He knows my heart... He knows my faults and He loves me despite them. Sometimes I need to remind myself of this.. because I am guilty of sin... I do stupid things.. I say stupid things.. but God is my rock.. He guides me to a better path He shows me where I have stumbled and helps me rebuild relationships. I am so blessed to have such a loving Father.

Darling

My Darling
When you look in the mirror and all you see is ugly
I see Beauty
My Sweetheart
When he yells at you and tells you that you are worthless, and you believe him.
I see Worth
My Beloved
When you cut yourself to feel
I see your Heart
My Child
When you cry yourself to sleep
I see You


You are worth more than words can express
My Love goes beyond your sins and beyond your suffering
I can feel your heart beat
I can count the hairs on your head
I find you worthy
I find you beautiful
I find you gorgeous
Let me define you
Let me become your mirror
Let me Love you

I was just thinking the other day about how we let ourselves lose track of the fact that there is a God who sees us as beautiful. Women and especially young women are easily tricked into believing that they are only worth how much a man decides they are. They are easily swayed into believing that they can not be strong and still be attractive. But God has a different perspective on things. He sees people for who they really are... He sees their faults and He heals the wounds that have been caused by hurt and hate people have pinned on each other. It breaks my heart to see young women who can barely look you in the face because of their pain and shame they feel for themselves. It breaks my heart to hear young girls talking about how they can't wait to get older so they can get plastic surgery to fix their "flaws." It breaks my heart to hear men yelling at their girlfriends or spouses and tearing them down, and the women just taking it and not finding their worth. It breaks my heart to see the scars that some girls and women have inflicted upon themselves in order to feel.. or to release their hurt... There so many young women out there who are so broken... the world takes them apart piece by piece labeling their "flaws," and telling them that they aren't beautiful. The world tells them that in order to be beautiful they need to wear certain clothes or weigh less... But God sees them each as beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, and pretty women. I pray that they find their worth in God.

8 years

In 6 days it will be the 8 year anniversary of my mother passing away. To say that I miss her very much, would be an understatement. I find that I think about her randomly throughout each day. I think about how she would have loved to work here at Cannon Beach, how she would of thought a joke that I heard during the day was funny, or how she would have liked my friends. I think about how she loved people, she was shy but loving . I think about how she loved to cook for others and how she loved to put a smile on her kids faces. I think about how she loved little babies and how she would have adored my best friends son. I think about how she would be proud of all her kids. I miss her but I do know she's happy.
My mother was a strong, smart, and beautiful women. She loved God with all her heart, she loved her family with all her heart. I pray that I can reflect her in my actions and in my words. I pray that when I have a family that I will be the kind of mother to my children as she was to me.

Girls...

Girls,
Compassion, and forgiveness, is something each and every generation struggles with. I guess this post could have addressed to both male and female... but I have been noticing this more and more in young girls. Wake up ladies... We are masters at holding grudges.. but that isn't something we should be proud of, is something that is a flaw. We are masters at teaching our children to do the same. Since we are teachers through our actions. Wake up! I see and hear ladies gossiping about the misfortune of another lady behind her back... I see grown women acting like 5 year olds giving people the silent treatment.. Wake up! The things we do now affect the next generation and even perhaps the next one. Do you want your petty issues and selfish and unforgiving actions to shape your daughters? Your grandaughters? I sure don't.. I know that my actions at times are just the same as the one's I have described.. I know that I struggle with forgivness and compassion.. But it is time to stop this foolishness.. and grow up. You can either be a child your whole life and be treated like one.. Or you grow up and be a good example to the next generation... Ladies it's time we act like "Ladies." It's time that we help eachother instead of watching eachother flounder and laugh and gossip about it. We are more than this, we know what is right and wrong.. It's time we start genuinely caring for one another.

-Sincerely A Changed Lady

 

Growing up

Up until about a year or so ago my world was pretty little. I had spent my childhood/adult life in Longview, Washington... such a small town.. or so I thought. Where everything in my life was patterned. I got up.. I would sit around all day... or if it was a Sunday.. Go to church, go home for lunch, go back to church. I mean I loved my little life. But God called me to go out into the world.. do something.. not just get by with doing the minimal. But actually Do something. He called to Cannon Beach, Oregon.. a little coastal town.. but this town holds a big Christian Conference Center. Last summer opened my eyes. I left all the comforts of home and came to Cannon Beach without knowing anyone. I made some awesome friends last summer that I know I will have for a long time. But I also learned some things.. My life at home wasn't growing.. I wasn't learning. I was stuck, and although it seemed like it was a pretty good life.. I wasn't where God wanted me to be. I have always been someone who doesn't like much change but I'm coming to find that when I start getting too comfortable in a place I start to rely on myself and not on God. I want to one day settle down and have that ideal family.. but at this point in my life I feel God calling me to let go and Him guide me. One day i know God will bring the right guy in my life and we will share one vision. But right now I feel like although I'll be in Cannon Beach at least until after the New Year I will probably be moving on again. And I feel like this next move may even be farther away. But oddly enough I feel great about it.. excited... I'm really excited about where He will lead me next.

Bring them home!

It's amazing how years can be marked. By blessing, tragic events, memorable moments.... the list goes on. 10 years ago today I was sitting in front of a tv at school. I was in 6th grade and I remember seeing all the teachers and other students crying around me and I was crying. We all knew that America would never be the same. 9/11/2001 the reality of terrorists was forced upon me. I have a journal that I kept and in it I wrote about how our country was going to be entering into war with Iraq. 6th grade my biggest worry should have been if the boy at church liked me or not... but instead my mind was on war. I knew friends whose dads were being sent overseas and as I got older some of my friends started to be sent overseas. We watched as the death toll grew and grew and many people lost their brothers, sisters, mothers, daughters... fathers... Our America is still in mourning. 10 years and we are still counting the numbers of people dying.... We are remembering 9/11/2001 but some families are still living the fear of not knowing if their sons or daughters are going to be coming back home in one piece.. or even back home at all... I pray that this is the year that all our soldiers make it home. They have been fighting too long. I am 22... I was 12 when this all started... I know friends that have faced the fear of losing someone that they loved... by now everyone in America has probably faced this fear... BRING THEM HOME!!

Romans 8:38-39

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      -Romans 8:38-39

I thank God that he loves me so much that nothing I can do, or any other created thing can do will ever seperate me from His love. Sometimes I find myself straying so far away and then I see the framed verse my sister gave to me and I am reminded once again that my Father loves me! Me, I am always amazed that Creator of the whole entire Universe loves the simple me. And that nothing... nothing will ever stop Him from loving me.
God has been telling me that He loves me since I was in my mother's womb. He Loved me even before that. That is how much the Father loves you and me.
His love has no strings attached.... His love is always there for you to hold, His love is boundless.. Don't ever underestimate the power of His Love!!

Blessed by the Word

<sup>I have been noticing lately that I haven't been diving into God's word. So last night as I just flipped through the Bible I came across this passage that really spoke to me. I pray that you are blessed by this too!

"1</sup> Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ² Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ³ Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ⁴ For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. ⁵ There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, ⁶ and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.
 ⁷ However, he has given each one of us a special gift^[a] through the generosity of Christ. ⁸ That is why the Scriptures say,
   “When he ascended to the heights,
      he led a crowd of captives
      and gave gifts to his people.”^[b]
 9 Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world.^{[c] 10} And the same one who descended is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself.
 ¹¹ Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. ¹² Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. ¹³ This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.
 ¹⁴ Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. ¹⁵ Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. ¹⁶ He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

Ephesians 4:1-16.

Broken

I am broken,
but in a good way.
I know it might sound odd
to you.
But I am broken.
I hurt, but I'm ok.
In order to become the person
God desires me to be,
I have to become broken.
To die to myself.
To leave all of who I am behind,
 and not let it hinder me
from who I should become.
God's desire for me is more important
than the earthly image and idea that I have for myself.
So here I am beautifully broken.
Ready to be molded into something
more radiant, more like the person
God desires me to be. More like the person I want to be.

Psalm

Have you ever felt like David? I have been reading through Psalm lately and I have noticed that the cries that David pours out into the Psalms are similar to my own cries. He grieves, and rejoices, and pleads to God. He does not hide is guilt and his shame in himself. He just is open with all his insecurities. When I read certain Psalms that he wrote, I can remember times in my life that I have felt the same. David is open about all his anger, his hurt, his pain. I know that I have felt like David.

" We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth for someone else to spend. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My hope is in you." Psalm 39: 6-7

Dreams and Expectations

~My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.~ Psalm 62:5

     When I was a young child I had always wanted to be a ballerina, in fact I took some lessons when I was in first grade and although I loved it, I didn't continue. But that was one of my dream jobs. But at the same time I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals and I wanted to help them, but when I found out that vets also had to put animals down that went to the bottom of the list of dream jobs. At one point I remember I wanted to be a horse trainer. But that never panned out either. I have had this idea of jobs and of the kind of life I wanted to live since I was a child. I have even made lists of what I wanted to see in guy before I would even date him. Some of the things seem so silly now. But I have always had high expectations for my life.
     I can tell you now... none of those jobs seem all that appealing to me now. I still have high expectations but they have been shaped by my life. The lists have gotten smaller. But it all comes down to God. When I was younger His will didn't seem to be a priority. As I have grown up I have let go a lot of my ideas because they were not going to work. I have let go of guys that I had fallen for, because they were not God's will for me. I am finding that as I get older the path I'm walking become more narrow and full of hazards. But I am learning that if I leave it up to God and I don't rely on me, it turns out a whole lot better. I don't know what tomorrow might bring. My expectations for my life seem to change everyday. But I do know that it will be ok. I will have trials, I will deal with pain. But there will also be triumphs and joy. God will direct my path. I just need to be willing to follow. Dreams and expectations can be wonderful, but if they're rooted in your abilities and strength alone... then those dreams and expectations will wither. Keep them rooted in God.

The Way You Look

~ God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks at the heart.~ - 1 Samuel 16:7

(Exerpt from A Grand New Day,Women of Faith)

" It is so easy to believe that God is silent on the subject of beauty. Maybe it is because the church is silent, or maybe it's because we have to be still to hear what God is saying. Either way, so many women simply think God is not saying anything about how they feel about themselves. Here is the simple truth: God loves you passionately and intensely, and that love has nothing to do with the way you look. It isn't affected one ounce by the size of your blue jeans or the way your nose slopes up or how much dental work you've had done. It isn't lessened by wearing the wrong dress to a party or having no skill applying makeup or by hating exercise. God simply loves you as you are.
   But before we just gloss over that and go right on to the next thing, let me ask a hard question. Have you let that truth into your soul? I mean, really let it in? God is the one who has never criticized you or belittled you or made fun of your appearance in any way. He is the one who formed you, and said afterward."This is good." "
                                                              - Nicole Johnson (Fresh-Brewed Life)

~ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing; shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus out Lord.~   -Romans 8:38-39

All Creation

We all take part in a symphony of voices and sounds rising up through the heavens praising our Heavenly Lord. Every second of everyday all creation praises His holy name! What an amazing thought! I sit here and I try to think of something to write, but the thought of all of creation praising my God... I am in complete awe! I can hear the frogs outside creating their music and I wonder what it sounds like to God's ears. I watched the sun dip into the ocean this evening and the sounds of the wind and waves, I can't even imagine what that sounds like to God. I am in awe!

Let Down the Walls!

Let down the walls!!! Just Woship our Amazing Lord!!! We are so quick to shy away from dancing and singing out loud in fear of rejection but your voice is soo sweet to the Lord!!! So let down the walls and just dance and sing and fall on your face before our Lord!

Brighten

Something to Brighten your day

God's creation is beautiful!!

Amazed!!

God never ceases to amaze me. His Beauty is all around us. In everything. All of creation declares His majesty.

You bring Light

When the darkness surrounds me
I know You are there
You hear my cries
Even when I feel like
the dark is suffocating me
You provide my light
my air
You are constantly listening to my calls
You are always there to provide
You add light to my life
You are my God!
               -GCS

This picture was taken by me inside the Battery Russell at Fort Stevens it is of Brittany Kingshott one of the girls I work with.

A foolish idea

I have been following along with a newspaper article from The Daily News in Longview. It is about having a "Zombie Apocalypse," this Holloween. They will have a giant adult game of well... chase.. where zombies are chasing humans through all downtown Longview....

My heart is broken. I have never been one to shy away from gore movies or anything like that, but God has really convicted me about this "zombie apocalypse." This is wrong. I know that they are trying to pass it off as getting business for the down town area, but this not the right way to do so. Longview already has it's share of drug isues, domestic violence, and homelessness. We are a broken city. Everyday since this article was written in the newspaper I have been reading comments and really thinking about the idea. And everytime I feel so sad for my hometown. That this is the way they expect to gain business.

My generation is a mess. My classmates from high school are a mess. The next generation is getting even worse. We do not need this kind of influence. The anxiety issues amoung young adults in the past of couple of years has heightend more than used to be. Why do we need a whole bunch of foolish adults running through the streets of Longview being chased by ghoulish zombies. We aren't growing up. By doing this it shows how our society is fed by fear. I do admit, when I was high school I would have jumped at the opportunity to act like a zombie. But I do not think that it is a good idea to corrupt Longview even more.

I know many people will not agree with me. And who knows it might pass the city council and be something Longview does. But I will praying that it doesn't happen. We don't need this in our town. I do not support this at all.

Masters' Hand

Awhile ago I was looking through a journal thing my mother had kept. She had written many poems and ideas, and had drawn doodles throughout the whole thing, but one of the things that she wrote stuck with me. I'm not sure if she wrote this originally but there was no reference to anyone else.

"For the brief span of time spent on this earth
it should be that we have each moment contain a treasure
for our memories to recall with fondness
and to do this
we need to take hold of the Masters' hand
to follow into hidden sanctuaries of the depths of His heart
many riches are to be found there
kinds that moths and dust cannot corrupt
items that pass tests of fire
it is here we sit in leisurely repose
warming ourselves to His softly throbbing heartbeats
lying quiet in His strong embraces
inclining our ears to words of infinite wisdom
it is here that memories thrive
and our life takes on meaning
here is where wealth is found
adding quality to years spent dwelling apart from heaven
it is here that fondess is never lacking
for the brief span of time spent on this earth
it should be that we have each moment contain a treasure
and to do this- Take hold of the Masters' hand."

Pray

"Save me, O God,
for the flood waters are up to my neck.
Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire;
I can't find a foothold to stand on.
I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me.
I am exhausted from crying for help;
my throat is parched and dry.
My eyes are swollen with weeping,
waiting for my God to help me."
-Psalm 69:1-3

I was just flipping through Psalm the other day and I came across this passage. I was moved to tears from this. I kept thinking about the people in Japan and how this is their cry. I pray that they don't lose hope. God will be their refuge. Please.. Please keep these people in your prayers.

More than me

I was thinking lately about the title of my entire blog... "More than me.." I was thinking about how we often lose track of the fact that the world is not about us... My life, although mine should be about more than me... First and ultimately it should be about God. But it also should be about the people you encounter each and everyday, and what kind of impact you leave on them. I try to leave positive impact on others lives, but at times I'm foolish and I'm negative.. What a lot of people fail to recognize is that the words and actions that come from you, really do matter and they affect others. When you are always negative, people tend to shy away from you because negativity does not spark joy or affection. It is dull, and sad. I have to remind myself every so often that everything I do is for "More than me."

Stronghold

"He is jealous for me, loves like hurricane I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy."

He is jealous for me. He does not just give up one me, He fights for me. He doesn't just care for me, but He loves me with an incredible deep love that is completely unbreakable. The fears and regrets that I have held for so long, He wipes them away with his mercy and forgivness... I am not worthy, but He find worth in me. His love for me exceeds all other loves. I have been selfish and unkind and He still has been faithful. My God is amazing!!! He is my rock, my refuge.

Prayers

Oh Lord
it's me again
I have fallen from
Your plan
Everything around me
is falling through
and I am falling too

The sin I've committed
I know is foolishness
I have gotten in the way
too many times to count
and yet I fall and stumble over
my foolish acts
Please come
and put me upright again
and forgive me of my sin
Oh Lord

I've been fighting lately against my foolishness.. thoughts and actions that do not represent the Love of God. I am ashamed of the way I've treated people and the way I have treated God. My foolish thoughts and actions have not been pleasing to God, or honestly to myself. I find at times I catch myself being completely and udderly rude, and I don't like it. I am not that person. I guess at this momment in my life I could use some prayers. I need prayers for patience and for the love of God to shine out through me. That the mean and crude things that pop into my head just dissapear. I don't want to be the kind of person that goes around spreading rudeness and hurt. And I don't want my mind to keep telling me lies about myself and my worth. Please pray that i will find my complete joy and refuge in God. I have struggled with insecurities my whole life.. but right now I am feeling low. Prayers would be wonderful! Thank you.

Tsunami

It seems like there is a pattern in my blogs lately... Storms. This one though is about a Tsunami. As many of you know I live on the Oregon coast so on March 11th around 1:30 or so in the morning we flipped on our tv to see the news about the 8.9 earth quake that hit Japan and caused a Tsunami. And we were told that we were on official Tsunami Warning and we would most likely be evacuated. I honestly never thought that would happen.. sure it is always a possibility. But Cannon Beach was evacuated around 6ish in the morning and we were not allowed back into town until around noon. Crazy stuff. Please keep Japan in your prayers. Cannon Beach was hardely touched. But Japan is in bad condition.

Relationships

          I have found lately that many of my friends are searching. They are searching for relationships. I hear stories of heart break after heart break. I am not one to usually tell them to stop searching. Because truthfully I've been there. But I have decided that really it is not my place to search for the guy God has for me. God will lead him to me one day. Perhaps not now... I know it's hard to wait especially when you see your friends getting married and having children... You start to wonder if it will ever be your time. It will. But God doesn't want you to let the search consume you. What if we put all the energy that we spend searching after guys and put it into searching after God. And focus on a relationship with Him. If you don't have a strong relationship with God how do expect to enter into a strong relationship with a man? Man does not have all the answers that you are seeking. A guy can't fill void you feel. Only God.

Calm

The wind roars by my window
the rain pounds on the roof
the walls of this house trembles
And I remain calm

The strom rages against me
the gusts nearly knock me down
but I have a stronghold
I will remain calm

Your peace overflows
it fills every vein and bone
it seeps into my heart
and I am still

The cold creeps around me
the light turns to dark
the waves crash into me
And yet I am calm

The lies that taunt
try to decieve me
the hurt it tries to wound me
but You speak to me
"Remain Calm"
"I am with you."

-GCS 11

Blessings in Disguise

         Here I am again, trying to write something, anything that will convey all the thoughts that rushing through my head. I mean there no specific topic that keeps coming up, but still there is so much I want to say but don't have the words to make anyone understand. Writers block I guess... but usually the source behind my writers block is I hove no thoughts or ideas... but at this momment there are too many. Funny.. huh... I keep thinking about things going on now, and things went on in the past. I want to write a poem or song but nothing is coming. I was told once that if you just start writing when you have writers block usually it helps. So that 's what I'm doing I guess.
       It's funny, just of couple of years ago I would have summed my life up by saying it was one tragedy after another. I really hadn't been a good person. I had been selfish and very insecure. But everyday I thank God that I was led back to Him. And now I see so much good in my life. Even events that happened in the past. Like my mother's death... I mean I really miss her. And I think about her constantly but I see how my relationship with God would not be where it is now without that happening. And the fact that God brought my step mom Linda into our lives is a blessing. I don't know I've been thinking about my mother a lot today. About how wise and loving she was.  There is Bible verse that she put in a frame for me and it is,

"When you seek the Lord... Wisdom will enter your heart, and Knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and Understanding will guard you." -Proverbs 2:10-11

I pray that I follow this verse everyday. That I seek after the Lord full hearted. I also pray that I will have an impact on people like my mother did. She was strong and beautiful woman. I guess that's what I was supposed to write about today.

I am weak

Lord
I am weak
I stumble over everything
My heart tends to stray
I need Your guidance
everyday

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today

Lord
I am empty
come fill my heart
with your Spirit
Lord I have hurt you
Please forgive my
selfishness

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today.

                                  -GCS 11

perspective

This is something I wrote while looking back on stuff that has happened in the past. I don't know. I was just thinking about how when I'm at my worst, I'm still blessed...

Blessed

 I feel alone
 my world seems small
I am just a simple being
trying to make it through
keep my head down low
no one will see me
Never stand out in a crowd
that only brings misery

Thoughts rushing through my head
pain I wish I had never lived
When does it end
When does it all go away
I'm falling through the cracks
I need a strong hand

Everyone
stares and laughs at me
my pain brings joy
to those who think ill of me
I've tried to turn the other cheek
but their both bruised and sunken in
I don't understand why
I live like this
I was made for more
but now I just exsist.
No point
No reason
No joy
No laughter
I'm just shell

Find me here and pick me up
from  the cold hard ground
Break chains of lies that bind
 Hold my head up high
I will never be alone
never be alone
You're there with me
You've seen my hurt and my pain
You've carried me through the rain
You are there
Let me never forget
the blessing you give
to me
I am forever blessed.
                                          -GCS '11

A thought...

I fall down
before You.
I fall down
on my knees.
I am not worthy
of the love You
give to me,
I am not worthy
of the grace given
freely.

Who am I
I am nothing,
nothing compared to You.
You though have set your eyes on me.
What a blessing to
receive such love.
I am nothing compared to your majesty
but you see something worth
while in me.

And even though I can't see
what could fascinate a King about me.
I accept this attention that you give
that I might finally live,
a life that runs after You. That seeks nothing more than to be with You.
Nothing else in all the world is worth more than this.

                             -GCS 11

Amazed

Just one word
with just one word
You spoke the world
into existence

Just one touch
one touch of Your hand
Made a lame man
walk again

And I am amazed
By Your greatness
I am amazed
by Your love
that You should love
a simple girl like me
O God, my God
I am amazed
by You

With just one breath
You brought man to life
And just a thought
You brought the waves crashing down

When everything
seems so far away
You just speak to me
And make see
that it is Your love that will
carry me

That I amazed by
Your greatness
I amazed
by Your love
that You should love
a  simple girl like me
Oh God, my God
I am amazed

      - GCS 2011

Back on Track

After I wrote the last blog, I went into my room and I just felt so overwhelmed... But then I prayed for peace and a moment later I found myself singing to God. And I was so calm. God does answer prayers. Sometimes you don't see the results for awhile but He does answer them. The next morning while my alarm was going off the song, This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it... came to me and I felt so at peace all day. When I started working here in the summer I didn't have this kind of peace. I mean I wasn't as close to God as I am right now. I learned a lot this summer but I learned more when I got home. I was prayed over at the college age group that I go to at home and the verse that was prayed over me was,
 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord."They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me in earnest, you will find Me when you seek Me. I will be found by you..." -Jeremiah 29:11-14
I realized that although I had come here this summer to not only get job experience but to also grow closer with God. I hadn't been truly striving after God. I had started to make excuses about why I wasn't closer to God. But this time I have tried to keep reminding myself to seek after God in everything I do. To not let me and my own desires get in the way of the relationship with God that I NEED. When my days are bad, when nothing seems to go right... I NEED to look to God and pray. He will hear me and He will answer.

A bad sort of day..

When the storms are raging
When the waves pull me under
My heart grow weary
and I fall in deeper

Out of the darkness
Comes bursts of light
And Your hand
reaches in
and pulls me into safety

Lord, hold me
All through the storm
Lord, lift me up
out of the waves
Please Lord
I'm falling so fast
I need you now
I need you now

I am really feeling down today but as I was trying to write, this poem/song was what I thought of. This day though has gone from bad to worse and right now I'm just not in the best of moods. Prayers are needed...

The best way to wake up

The other night I had a beautiful dream and in it I was singing worship to God and although I don't remember what I was singing I just know that it was a song that I have never heard before. When I woke up the first words that was on my lips was the song "Savior, You're my Savior, When the world is shaking and nothing stands I will hold on to Your hands, Savior." I love it when God speaks to me through my dreams. And when I wake up the first thing I want to do is praise Him. God is always amazing me.

Two words

There are two words that God has put in my heart so far this new year and they are "Light", and "Run." The fact that we should love and want him so much that we would RUN after him. For me running does not come easy. I usually end up out of breath and just tired. But I want to be so in love with God that I will RUN after him and trust that he will keep me steady and renew my strength. I already wrote about "Light" but I thought I would share the other word. :) Keep RUNNING!!

Light

So today during worship I kept seeing the word "light" in my mind and all the way through a couple of songs that said nothing about "light," And then during another song I got an image of a huge building. In the building there were many rooms but all of them lead to a main room. The building was dark. There were no lights, and no windows. And suddenly a bright light that filled every crevice of the building burst forth. And in every seperate room in all the corners there were people huddled, hiding. They were filthy and dressed in rags with sores all over there bodies. When the light reached them though they were instantly clean and healed and their clothes were made of rich cloth. Their faces were lit with contagious smiles. And then the word "light" popped into my mind again.

     The Lord does not want us to hide in the dark, scared and afraid of the good things in the light. We often hinder ourselves from shining because we fear that we fail. God has given us talents and dreams to light up the world and here we are sitting in the dark and watching the world pass us by. God's light is good. It is amazing. His light can outshine the darkest hours in our lives. Let your light shine!!!