Our Shoes...

There are some people that I have tried to help with their walk with God and with just their lives. Each one has a different story about how they got to the point that they were or are still at in their lives. Each one has faced hardships and struggles and have carried heavy, heavy burdens. And one of the things each one of these people have told me is that I wouldn't know how they are feeling... I haven't walked in their shoes. Many have thrust the questions, "Do you want to walk in my shoes? Do you want to be where I have been?" at me. I have been pegged by these people of having a good life. A great life. Even though I usually respond to these people with love and hope that they take words I speak to heart.
 I think to myself about how these people have no idea. These people haven't walked in my shoes either. I mean I share testimony when appropriate, but often times they still don't get it. I am a sinner, I have lost my way so many times that I have lost count. It is only by the grace of God that I have any kind of hope. It is only by Christ's blood that I live. These are not things in my past, these are things I struggle with everyday. But by God's love for me and mercy I am able to share and help others understand the Glory and Beauty and most of all Love of my Savior, my God. I don't want to walk in these people's shoes because it is in my own that I have sinned, I fallen short, I have left the path... and it is in my shoes that I have been Redeemed and Accepted into the family of God. It is in my shoes I have found the greatest Love of all, and have found Peace and Joy. I have faced hardships, I have faced pain. I still may face more... And I by no means a "saint," I sin and although I try not to, it happens. God's Mercy and Forgiveness is the only thing that saves me.
We aren't here on earth to experience a "perfect," life. We were never promised happiness. But through God we can find the joy. Life will always be a struggle. But with God it can be made easier and a lot more hopeful. I know that my current readers in this blog are Christians but I pray that each and everyone of you reach out to the unbelievers and share the truth about our Father, the Love and Mercy that only come from him. Our shoes that we walk in may be hard and heartbreaking sometimes but they were given to us from God. He is teaching, and molding us into the people He needs us to be. I wouldn't trade my life (shoes) for anyone elses. I am glad that although my life has taken many scary, heart wrenching, and just lonely roads, God has and will always be there to walk with me.

School, work, life

So I've argued with myself several times about going back to school... and now I set up an interview with an advisor at LCC to see what I need to finish my Associates degree. So friday I have that interview. And on Thursday I'm housekeeping for family in town, and next Thursday I have a job interview at Macy's.... so things are starting to be put to motion... keep me in your prayers! Thanks!!

Engaged!!

I know the title of this makes it seem like I'm engaged... but in all seriousness my little sister and her boyfriend Matt are now engaged... what makes it even better is that they got engaged on my birthday! I gained a brother-in-law for my birthday! :D They have been dating for 3 years but they have been  friends since 3rd grade! I'm so excited and happy for them and I can't wait to see how the wedding and everything goes... I've been on the verge of tears all day because I'm just so happy and excited!! I just had to share this awesome news!!!!

Camp Ministry

I was given an opportunity this past summer, that I almost decided not to do out of fear, the fear of being so far away from family, the fear of the unknown. I guess I make it sound like I moved to another country, but in fact I just moved several states away for 3 months. Little did I know that those 3 short months would change my life, my dreams, and my goals. God opened the door for me to work at a farm in a small town in Ohio called Zanesfield. The town actually is one of those little places you drive through without realizing it is a town. But the farm is located off the the state route from their and it is called Marmon Valley Farm. It is a big farm in my eyes, but I also haven't spent much time on farms so it might not be a big farm. But they have 150 or more horses. They also have other farm animals like goats, llamas, a cow and her calf, bunnies, a pig, chickens, cats, and a couple dogs. They also have some pet deer, and peacocks. But the animals aren't what changed my life.
        Marmon Valley Ministries, which is their ministry name for the farm has a summer camp that runs from the end of June-Mid August. Each week children from ages 7-17 flock to the camp and fill all the cabins. I had the privilege of working in the farm house with the younger groups of girl campers. I had opportunity to teach these young girls about Jesus through different activities on the farm, and most of all share God's love for them. But they also taught me so much, they taught me how to be thankful for the little things in life. They also taught me how to have fun and act silly just for the sake of joy. Children are unashamed of their exuberant joy and as adults we often forget how to be joyful. The girls challenged me to understand what I was teaching them, to put the scripture to work in my life. I was challenged to pray constantly. I know that I prayed and still ray over each girl who walked into my cabin. It amazed me to see their transformation from the first day to the last and see how they had grown and just opened up and made great friendships. I also was just so amazed by how I saw God at work in their lives. These girls attitudes and demeanor's would change throughout the week as they learned that Jesus loved them, it was amazing.

         I've always felt that I wasn't cut out for the cookie cutter kind of job, a secretary, an accountant, a cashier... I have always felt like God has pushed me to search for something a little more obscure and not the normal kind of job. After this summer I feel like God is calling me to be a missionary in the camping ministries. I'm not sure where, I'm not sure when he will open the door for me to work  and serve in the ministry. But I feel like this is my calling. To help lead God's children young and old to Him. I have been so blessed by this last summer. The Summer Staff and the Full Time Staff have been encouraging and just a blessing upon my life. I can say I honestly loved this summer. I loved getting to know these amazing people who served with me as we ministered to these kids, and I loved getting to know each girl and just learn from them and teach them about God and His unfailing love for them. I can't wait for the next opportunity to work at a camp and serve comes my way. God's blessings upon my life have been amazing and I am so thankful for the people He has placed in my life that have encouraged me to follow Him wherever He leads. God's provision has been unfailing.

My someone

So recently a friend read one of my posts and encouraged me to keep a journal for the man that I will marry someday... I have tried to do this in the past but I decided to do it once more... I didn't know how to address the journal... did I say "dear journal," or "my dear husband," or just write without a header... well after some thinking I came up with "Dear Someone," what made me decide this is a song off The Music Man... Here are the lyrics:

Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Or star is shining it's brightest light
for goodnight, my love, for goodnight.

Sweet dreams be yours, dear,
if dreams there be,
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, good night.

True love can be whispered from heart to heart
when lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are

Sweet dreams be yours dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.

http://youtu.be/CC33O52pGUg

April 2010

In April of 2010 I had a really cool dream and I posted it on Facebook. I was going through some old notes on there and I thought that I should share it on here too. I do feel like God does speak to me through dreams sometimes and this is one of those times. Sorry for the poor grammer and run on sentences. I just copy a pasted it from facebook.


It starts out with a young Japanese girl sitting alone in a small room. She's holding a large Emerald. She keeps looking at the door like she's expecting someone. Soon the door opens and a little old Japanese man walks in, he's dressed in rags. He come and sits in front of the girl and then takes her hands in his he looks into her dark brown eyes and says, "You have the Emerald but what you need is the
Diamond." She looks at him with question in her eyes. "How do I find the Diamond?" The girl asks. As she asks this another man enters the room but in my dream I couldn't see his face. The other man hold out his hand to the girl. "This man will guide you and protect you in your task of finding the Diamond." the old man replies. The girl takes hold of the faceless man's hand and they walk out of the room.
Suddenly my dream shifts and the faceless man and the girl are in the middle of what looks like a rain forest. Directly in front of them there is a waterfall. The faceless man starts to make gestures with his arms like a silent code. There is a loud roar that comes from the waterfall and a giant golden sculpture of a man dressed in fancy clothing and jewlery. The sculpture comes to life and snarls at the faceless man and the girl. The faceless man pushes the girl out of the way and starts to fight the golden man. The girl starts to run deep in to the forest pushing vines and branches out of the way. As she jumps over a fallen tree she suddenly plummets through the ground and falls into a buried building. She hits the stone floor and she tastes blood, she is lying face down on the ground. She looks to her right and she sees a man looking down at her with no expression on his face. He has a white bandage wrapped around his head with blood seeping through, he is wearing a green coat and green pants with brown boots. At that moment she black out.
When she starts to come to, all she hears is "Yahweh, Lord Almighty we love you!" being chanted over and over. She starts to open her eyes and she is in a bright room and there is over 50 people singing over and over. They are facing the man who had been in the room with the bandage on his head, but now he had no bandageand he is smiling he stands behind a pulpit with a hymnal in his hands leading the congregation. Behind the man there was an incredible bright blinding light. The girl slowly stands up and starts walking toward the man and the light. As she gets closer she slowly sees that the light is coming from a wooden cross. The cross is shining like a Diamond. When she gets to the front she falls to her knees and holds up her Emerald. The man comes before her and holds out his hand. "I don't want this emerald anymore. all I need and want is the Diamond. Could I recieve the Diamond?" The girl cried. The man takes the Emerald from her hands and it just disapears. He takes light from the Cross and puts the light in her hands. As she starts to weep with joy she takes the light and swallows it. "Now the Diamond lives in me, I shall never be without it."

My Bible

I have a hard time parting with my Bible. I have had this Bible for five years I got it as a gift from my church when I graduated from high school. It's pages have been worn, and Genesis is trying to escape the binding. My book of Colossians that I led so many beautiful little girls through is tearing out too. It is my favorite translation NLT, and it is where I go for all my answers. I have several other Bibles but this is the one that I have memorized the scripture from and have held in my hands through many situations. It being held together by duct tape now... I am getting a new NLT Bible soon, but I'm pretty sure this one will still be the first one I go to reach for when I need to find something. I know it seems a little silly since the next Bible will have the same translation and all, but to me it will be a weird transition. I am sure I will keep this Bible that has all my markings and highlighting throughout it's frail pages. This Bible has been one of my most cherished gifts. The word of God.

How I miss you

Remembering all the good times
All the happiness
that filled our lives
Thinking how you used to smile
when I made a fool
out of myself
The laughter
and the sparkle of your eyes
are now memories
and will soon fade from
my mind

Oh, how I miss you
Oh, how I long for your embrace
Oh, I hope your happy
now that you have left this place
have left this place

I know that you
had no choice
your sickness had gotten too strong,
the world you knew was becoming smaller
and the promise of new life
called you home

but...
Oh, how I miss you
Oh, how I long for your embrace
Oh, I hope your happy
In your new home
that heavenly place
that heavenly place.

Pity Party

I am going to throw a pity party for a second here. I am tired and honestly I mean tired of being alone. I know that God is always there for me. But I am tired of the fact that I'm 23 almost 24 and yet the only "date," that I have ever had was for prom and he was gay. I'm tired of seeing my friends share about there significant others and how wonderful they are... because frankly I can't relate. I know that I have often times said that it felt good to be single to avoid the drama of relationships, but I don't know anymore. I am just ready to have someone to share my dreams with and to just watch a movie with. I want to have someone take an interest in what I want to do, and not look down on me like I'm naive or stupid for having my dreams. I want someone to just simply tell me I look beautiful sometimes. I know it is the lament of many girls ahead of me... but it is still something I want and I am afraid it won't happen and I will turn out to be the crazy cat lady many think I'll become. I just wish God would bring that guy into my life. I know a lot of my friends who are single and are in the same boat as I am, I don't know... So this is my pity party.. don't feel like you have to comment. I just needed to rant a little.

I Dare You

Sometimes in the chaos of life we forget to dream. We go through the motions of getting by, but we fail at dreaming of new horizons... adventures. I am also at fault when it comes to this forgetfulness. I rush through and grab every opportunity to advance and every chance to make a buck but while I'm rushing through to get to where I'm going I miss so much. I forget to let my imagination take control and make the ordinary extraordinary... and the dull into shine. I miss the chance to see a cloud for not just a cloud but to see it as an animal or person. This is the never ending quest. I need to stop and let myself dream of a brighter future then the one I've laid out for myself. God has more in store for me. Much more than I can imagine... but imagining is the first step in heading towards this great adventure waiting for me. So I guess this post is about not letting go of your dreams so easily. This life is the only one on earth that we get, and wasting it on something that your heart isn't in is ridiculous. Dream the dreams that seem impossible... and let your imagination color your life with adventures. Let go of the mundane and grasp the excitement of life.

My time here in Ohio is quickly coming to an end... I have been so blessed this summer. The girls that have been in  my cabin have blessed me so much. I know that I am going to miss this place a lot. The people that I have met and have gotten the chance to work with have just been amazing and so supportive. I am possibly heading back to CBCC... but as of right now I have no idea where I'm heading in this next season. I leave here in 16 days...

The thing about God is that he often leads us to places that we never even dreamed we would be. I never thought that I would spend over a year working and living on the Oregon Coast. I never thought I would make friends from all different parts of the word because of that expereince. I am now getting ready to embark on my next adventure. God has opened the doors for me to serve and live at a Christian camp with the emphasis on horsemanship in Ohio for the summer. Marmon Valley Farms, I wil be a counselor/housekeeper for the summer. I'm really excited for this adventure and where it will lead me after the summer.

The ABC's of Thankfulness

We often forget to be thankful in our busy lives. We take things for granted. I got an idea from my brothers friend but I hope that whoever reads this blog also tries this out.

A: Art, I am thankful for the fact that the world is full of creative people that can create amazing pieces of art.
B: Blessings, I am thankful for the many blessings that God have given me.
C: Cats, I am thankful that I have a cute cat at home that drives me nuts but I wouldn't trade him.
D: Dancing in the rain, there is nothing more freeing than dancing in the rain.
E: Encouragment, I am thankful for the encouragment that I recieve from family and friends.
F: Family and Friends, I am thankful for the people that God has placed in my life.
G: God, He is my rock and my foundation.
H: Health, I am thankful for good health
I: Inspiration, I am thankful for the way God inspires me to be better in everything I do.
J:Joy, I am thankful for the joy God provides.
K: King, I am thankful for the King of my life
L: Love, I am thankful for love
M: Music, I am thankful for the blessing of music.
N: Names, I am thankful for my name and the meaning of it.
O: Old Vintage items, I am thankful for old vintage things they inspire me to be creative.
P: Piano's, I am thankful for the beautiful music that comes out of a piano
Q: Quests, I am thankful for modern day "quests" or adventures
R: Rain, I am thankful for the refreshing rain.
S: Siblings, I am thankful for my crazy, loving, siblings.
T: Trees, I am thankful for tress because they create clean air.
U: Underwire, don't underestimate a good bra.
V: Vacations, I am thankful for vacations and getaways
W: Wild animals, I am thankful for the fact that we still have a few "wild" animals
X: X-rays, I am thankful for modern medicine and equipment.
Y: Years, I am thankful for the years that I have lived and hopefully will have many more.
Z: Zoo's, I am thankful that there are places were I can see many different kinds of animals.

50 things

So I got this idea from a friends blog.. But I thought I would give you a list of things about me..

50 things about me.

1. I am 23 years old and yet I feel so much older
2. I was born in Florida but I grew up in Washington
3. I love to swim
4. I am a talker.. but I also have been told that I'm a good listener too
5. I am a Christian and it is a huge part of who I am
6. I love musicals.. opera... actually almost all theatre...
7. I have been in 9 shows since 2003
8. I am friendly person
9. I don't have a ton of close friends but the ones who I am close with I consider all of them my best friends.
10. I love all animals...
11. I have never been on a date
12. I have always been overweight
13. I think that my best physical feature is my blue eyes
14. I try to be positive when life looks bleak
15. I love rings
16. I want to own a pair of red high heels one day
17. I love old things...
18. I love books... I especially love going into bookstores in small beach towns
19. I'm a slight germaphobe... working on it
20. I am unemployed... and honestly I am looking and applying for jobs... but I'm not worried. God has provided for me in the past and I know he will provide now.
21. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason
22. I am a romantic... I am not a hopeless romantic...
23. I have a small collection of teddy bears
24. I love dressing up
25. I love the beach
26. I spent the last year living at Cannon Beach
27. I still love swinging on swings at a park
28. I'm not terrified of heights but I'm not exactly fond of them either
29. I don't believe in online dating
30. I love taking photos but I'm horrible at scrap booking
31. I have never had a voice lesson
32. I own too many movies
33. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was in 8th grade
34. I love Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies
35. My all time favorite color is green,it is the color of life
36. I would love to be a mother someday
37. The only thing I know how to sew is pillow's or pillow cases
38. I bite my nails
39. I love and hate the sun.. my fair skin burns to easily
40. I have always loved Horses
41. I love fall and one day I hope to have a November Wedding
42. I love poetry
43. I want to go to Ireland one day
44. I'm the middle child... and at times I do feel like my siblings outshine me..,
45. I believe that God has great things planned for me.
46. I have many dreams
47. I want to see a show on Broadway one day
48. I would love to see where I was born one day
49. I have no idea where tomorrow will lead but I'm confident that it will take me one more day closer to something great...
50. My all time dream is to be a singer/actress in an opera

Provision

I've made it my goal to read and write about the Old Testament this year. I am now in Leviticus and I have realized that there are many things that I have missed because I have rushed through books of the Bible before. I'm looking forward to what this year brings... I still haven't found a job but honestly I'm not worried. God knows where he wants me and he will open the doors. I have been looking. I applied for a summer job at the Montreat Conference Center in North Carolina and I REALLY want this job!! It is only a 20min drive to where my grandparents live and I could visit them which would be nice.. but I really want this job because I want to work somewhere that's main goal is to bring people to Christ. I would be staying on conference center grounds and I would get to meet so many people. I really really want this. I've been praying about this job since I came across it during the summer. And then I chickened out and didn't apply in January and thought that I had probably missed their deadline. But then I went to thier website and they had a second deadline that I was able to turn in everything in for the round two of employee applications. So now I'm waiting and praying that I hear from them soon and hopefully, God willing I will get a yes to me going and serving there this summer! Be praying for me!!
I guess that's it for me right now. I just decided that I should update people on my life so far... God is good. '