Blessings in Disguise

         Here I am again, trying to write something, anything that will convey all the thoughts that rushing through my head. I mean there no specific topic that keeps coming up, but still there is so much I want to say but don't have the words to make anyone understand. Writers block I guess... but usually the source behind my writers block is I hove no thoughts or ideas... but at this momment there are too many. Funny.. huh... I keep thinking about things going on now, and things went on in the past. I want to write a poem or song but nothing is coming. I was told once that if you just start writing when you have writers block usually it helps. So that 's what I'm doing I guess.
       It's funny, just of couple of years ago I would have summed my life up by saying it was one tragedy after another. I really hadn't been a good person. I had been selfish and very insecure. But everyday I thank God that I was led back to Him. And now I see so much good in my life. Even events that happened in the past. Like my mother's death... I mean I really miss her. And I think about her constantly but I see how my relationship with God would not be where it is now without that happening. And the fact that God brought my step mom Linda into our lives is a blessing. I don't know I've been thinking about my mother a lot today. About how wise and loving she was.  There is Bible verse that she put in a frame for me and it is,

"When you seek the Lord... Wisdom will enter your heart, and Knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and Understanding will guard you." -Proverbs 2:10-11

I pray that I follow this verse everyday. That I seek after the Lord full hearted. I also pray that I will have an impact on people like my mother did. She was strong and beautiful woman. I guess that's what I was supposed to write about today.

I am weak

Lord
I am weak
I stumble over everything
My heart tends to stray
I need Your guidance
everyday

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today

Lord
I am empty
come fill my heart
with your Spirit
Lord I have hurt you
Please forgive my
selfishness

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today.

                                  -GCS 11

perspective

This is something I wrote while looking back on stuff that has happened in the past. I don't know. I was just thinking about how when I'm at my worst, I'm still blessed...

Blessed

 I feel alone
 my world seems small
I am just a simple being
trying to make it through
keep my head down low
no one will see me
Never stand out in a crowd
that only brings misery

Thoughts rushing through my head
pain I wish I had never lived
When does it end
When does it all go away
I'm falling through the cracks
I need a strong hand

Everyone
stares and laughs at me
my pain brings joy
to those who think ill of me
I've tried to turn the other cheek
but their both bruised and sunken in
I don't understand why
I live like this
I was made for more
but now I just exsist.
No point
No reason
No joy
No laughter
I'm just shell

Find me here and pick me up
from  the cold hard ground
Break chains of lies that bind
 Hold my head up high
I will never be alone
never be alone
You're there with me
You've seen my hurt and my pain
You've carried me through the rain
You are there
Let me never forget
the blessing you give
to me
I am forever blessed.
                                          -GCS '11

A thought...

I fall down
before You.
I fall down
on my knees.
I am not worthy
of the love You
give to me,
I am not worthy
of the grace given
freely.

Who am I
I am nothing,
nothing compared to You.
You though have set your eyes on me.
What a blessing to
receive such love.
I am nothing compared to your majesty
but you see something worth
while in me.

And even though I can't see
what could fascinate a King about me.
I accept this attention that you give
that I might finally live,
a life that runs after You. That seeks nothing more than to be with You.
Nothing else in all the world is worth more than this.

                             -GCS 11

Amazed

Just one word
with just one word
You spoke the world
into existence

Just one touch
one touch of Your hand
Made a lame man
walk again

And I am amazed
By Your greatness
I am amazed
by Your love
that You should love
a simple girl like me
O God, my God
I am amazed
by You

With just one breath
You brought man to life
And just a thought
You brought the waves crashing down

When everything
seems so far away
You just speak to me
And make see
that it is Your love that will
carry me

That I amazed by
Your greatness
I amazed
by Your love
that You should love
a  simple girl like me
Oh God, my God
I am amazed

      - GCS 2011

Back on Track

After I wrote the last blog, I went into my room and I just felt so overwhelmed... But then I prayed for peace and a moment later I found myself singing to God. And I was so calm. God does answer prayers. Sometimes you don't see the results for awhile but He does answer them. The next morning while my alarm was going off the song, This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it... came to me and I felt so at peace all day. When I started working here in the summer I didn't have this kind of peace. I mean I wasn't as close to God as I am right now. I learned a lot this summer but I learned more when I got home. I was prayed over at the college age group that I go to at home and the verse that was prayed over me was,
 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord."They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me in earnest, you will find Me when you seek Me. I will be found by you..." -Jeremiah 29:11-14
I realized that although I had come here this summer to not only get job experience but to also grow closer with God. I hadn't been truly striving after God. I had started to make excuses about why I wasn't closer to God. But this time I have tried to keep reminding myself to seek after God in everything I do. To not let me and my own desires get in the way of the relationship with God that I NEED. When my days are bad, when nothing seems to go right... I NEED to look to God and pray. He will hear me and He will answer.

A bad sort of day..

When the storms are raging
When the waves pull me under
My heart grow weary
and I fall in deeper

Out of the darkness
Comes bursts of light
And Your hand
reaches in
and pulls me into safety

Lord, hold me
All through the storm
Lord, lift me up
out of the waves
Please Lord
I'm falling so fast
I need you now
I need you now

I am really feeling down today but as I was trying to write, this poem/song was what I thought of. This day though has gone from bad to worse and right now I'm just not in the best of moods. Prayers are needed...

The best way to wake up

The other night I had a beautiful dream and in it I was singing worship to God and although I don't remember what I was singing I just know that it was a song that I have never heard before. When I woke up the first words that was on my lips was the song "Savior, You're my Savior, When the world is shaking and nothing stands I will hold on to Your hands, Savior." I love it when God speaks to me through my dreams. And when I wake up the first thing I want to do is praise Him. God is always amazing me.