Old Soul

I have always been older than my age. I have an old soul as some would say. I love black and white movies, and old jazz music and I could sit for hours listening to classical symphony music. My favorite t.v. show is I Love Lucy. And I have a decent collection of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies. I feel like I was born in the wrong era sometimes. Don't get me wrong I love a lot of the newer movies and music too. But my heart swells with emotion and is taken to different worlds when I listen to something like Chopin.

For a long time I didn't understand why I loved older movies and music. I have come to realize that I love it because it doesn't have a hidden agenda. It isn't filled with vulgarity and painful reminder about where our world is at this point. It is a key to the past. A time when life although hard and not without it's problems.. but simpler. A time when people respected each other. When the simple things like a candy or a movie was a treat and not an everyday affair. I believe things were more treasured because they actually worked hard for them.

I Need You

I wrote this song today. It's still a little rough and I am going to hopefully work out all the kinks and maybe record it sometime. But here are the lyrics:

Every breath

that I take

comes from your grace

Every song

that my heart hears

comes from your great voice

Breathe in me

let me hear your beauty

I am in need of you

every day

in every way

I have no life apart from you

please come and fill my heart again

again

again

with your song

All that I am

is nothing

without you

Everyday

is empty

without you

Breathe in me

let me hear your beauty

I am in need of you

every day

in every way

I have no life apart from you

please come and fill my heart again

again

again

with your song

GCS 2014

Crying is...ok

Do you ever just sit down and start praying and suddenly it turns into a big ol crying thing? I do. Sometimes I feel like I come off stronger than I am. God's been tearing down a lot of walls in my life over the last couple of years and it has become a relief that I can openly be emotional about my walk with God. But I know how uncomfortable I get when people become weepy around me, (I'm not usually sure what to do) so I don't usually cry in front of others. But it is a gift from God. Crying is a release. It helps relieve tension and start the healing process. So if you are like me and tend to push back a lot of feelings... go somewhere and either cry or yell... something and let God start healing. For example:

Tonight I had a heart to heart with God. And I still don't know a whole lot of answers. But I prayed about His will for my life. Because I'm not entirely sure what He's doing. Which to be honest most of us don't. But I have hit kind of a road block. I had felt like God wanted me to pursue Camp Ministry (I still do) and I have turned in a couple applications. But I feel like God has told me to stop applying. For all I know I have already applied to the Camp he wants me to pursue. But I have hit a road block. And so I cried and maybe raised my voice a little and had a conversation with God. And because he is amazing I feel a ton better. His peace is with me. But still no open doors yet. And I know he works on his own time. So I will have patience and wait.

Keep praying for me. I'll keep praying for you!

Declaration!

2014

I declare this a year of growth!

I will strive to grow closer to God with every waking moment. I want His Will for my life to consume my thoughts and my path. I will focus, and dedicate time to studying His Word. 

I will make healthy choices this year. In my eating habits I will learn to live by healthy portions and choices. I will make time for exercise, including the occasional hike. 

I will learn to love myself, to stop pushing myself down. I will make goals and achieve them. 

I will make mistakes, but I will learn from them.

I will forgive. I will learn to show Christ love to all those I come in contact with. 

This year is the year I regain my health, and improve my relationships. I will make new friends, try new things, and most importantly I will pursue God's will for me.  

2014 you will not be a wasted year. 

-Gabrielle Chantal Stiltz

Pastor Saeed

I urge you to share this story on any internet platform or really any platform you have. Pray, and ask others to pray!!

http://beheardproject.com/saeed

https://www.facebook.com/events/451324411638963/

• Please take the time to check this out and even if you don't want to share, please pray for this man and his family!!

Early New Years Resolution

I want to write this without sounding like an old geezer... but what has happened to communication? When I was growing up my best friend was just around the block and we played all day and sometimes into the night, we shared stories and just had fun using our crazy imaginations. And even then when I wanted to see my grandma I went to her home, we didn't have facebook, and although we had phones they didn't have facetime and they were generally connected to our home. We were personal. We took time to talk, and actually share our lives. Not the little things that really who needs to know, like "I ate toast today it was yummy." Really does that matter? Good for you.. you ate toast. I feel like you need a medal. I know that may have been a little too much sarcasm. But honestly, how many times do you actually see half your friends on facebook? Do you really know them? Or are these people you have met, and shared some common things and decided that why not add them to facebook? But are they your friends? Are you a friend to them? Have you shared memories that still matter? I wish we could go back sometimes to a time when people relied on seeing each other and connecting personally. I had the best childhood because I played outside, I had a best friend close by, and God blessed me with a very active imagination. I barely spent time inside, and our only computer was my dad's. Now people are obsessed with phones, internet, and really online lives. Should we be proud of our 500 some odd friends on facebook? Or should we try to engage and really in real life connect and make a few close friends?

Granted, I can see how technology has helped too. I mean there are people in my family and friends who live far away and it is good to have some connection with them. I know there are people who I may not see face to face very often so it is nice to see what's going on in their life. But I think we have become too dependent. I am guilty on spending too much time on facebook and especially pinterest, dreaming my life away. So I'm declaring a New Year Resolution now... I need to get back to the basics, and connect personally whether it be by snail mail or phone calls. I will be cutting down my hours on the computer, and trying to focus on living instead of wasting hours on my online life. Are you willing to join me? I would love to mail you letters... :)

Not Settling

I have settled a lot in my life. I have had friends I let walk all over me because I didn't even like me. I have let others shine and take the spotlight because I felt like I have had nothing to offer. I have been pushed around, and made to feel ashamed of myself. I went to college because I thought it was what everyone was supposed to do... But God's plans for me are bigger than I can even imagine. Some people have asked me why I believe that he has BIG plans for me... my answer anything that has to do with God and his will and his glory... well that will be BIG!
I'm tired of settling... I dropped out of my classes for this quarter not only because my financial aid didn't come through, but because I have figured out that I don't and I mean I really really don't want to be at LCC this quarter at all. I feel like there is something else God wants me to be doing. I don't know what yet.. I have been looking on the Christian Camping and Conference Center Associations website and keeping a mental note about the job offerings on the website. But who knows. This is a time of praying and seeking God's will for my life. Please pray for me!

I'm so excited to see how God moves during this season. And oddly I am at peace through all of this, it is a relief not to be stressing about it all. I know that this is peace that only comes from God. I know that God is working and it is pretty awesome!