Prayers

Oh Lord
it's me again
I have fallen from
Your plan
Everything around me
is falling through
and I am falling too

The sin I've committed
I know is foolishness
I have gotten in the way
too many times to count
and yet I fall and stumble over
my foolish acts
Please come
and put me upright again
and forgive me of my sin
Oh Lord

I've been fighting lately against my foolishness.. thoughts and actions that do not represent the Love of God. I am ashamed of the way I've treated people and the way I have treated God. My foolish thoughts and actions have not been pleasing to God, or honestly to myself. I find at times I catch myself being completely and udderly rude, and I don't like it. I am not that person. I guess at this momment in my life I could use some prayers. I need prayers for patience and for the love of God to shine out through me. That the mean and crude things that pop into my head just dissapear. I don't want to be the kind of person that goes around spreading rudeness and hurt. And I don't want my mind to keep telling me lies about myself and my worth. Please pray that i will find my complete joy and refuge in God. I have struggled with insecurities my whole life.. but right now I am feeling low. Prayers would be wonderful! Thank you.

Tsunami

It seems like there is a pattern in my blogs lately... Storms. This one though is about a Tsunami. As many of you know I live on the Oregon coast so on March 11th around 1:30 or so in the morning we flipped on our tv to see the news about the 8.9 earth quake that hit Japan and caused a Tsunami. And we were told that we were on official Tsunami Warning and we would most likely be evacuated. I honestly never thought that would happen.. sure it is always a possibility. But Cannon Beach was evacuated around 6ish in the morning and we were not allowed back into town until around noon. Crazy stuff. Please keep Japan in your prayers. Cannon Beach was hardely touched. But Japan is in bad condition.

Relationships

          I have found lately that many of my friends are searching. They are searching for relationships. I hear stories of heart break after heart break. I am not one to usually tell them to stop searching. Because truthfully I've been there. But I have decided that really it is not my place to search for the guy God has for me. God will lead him to me one day. Perhaps not now... I know it's hard to wait especially when you see your friends getting married and having children... You start to wonder if it will ever be your time. It will. But God doesn't want you to let the search consume you. What if we put all the energy that we spend searching after guys and put it into searching after God. And focus on a relationship with Him. If you don't have a strong relationship with God how do expect to enter into a strong relationship with a man? Man does not have all the answers that you are seeking. A guy can't fill void you feel. Only God.

Calm

The wind roars by my window
the rain pounds on the roof
the walls of this house trembles
And I remain calm

The strom rages against me
the gusts nearly knock me down
but I have a stronghold
I will remain calm

Your peace overflows
it fills every vein and bone
it seeps into my heart
and I am still

The cold creeps around me
the light turns to dark
the waves crash into me
And yet I am calm

The lies that taunt
try to decieve me
the hurt it tries to wound me
but You speak to me
"Remain Calm"
"I am with you."

-GCS 11

Blessings in Disguise

         Here I am again, trying to write something, anything that will convey all the thoughts that rushing through my head. I mean there no specific topic that keeps coming up, but still there is so much I want to say but don't have the words to make anyone understand. Writers block I guess... but usually the source behind my writers block is I hove no thoughts or ideas... but at this momment there are too many. Funny.. huh... I keep thinking about things going on now, and things went on in the past. I want to write a poem or song but nothing is coming. I was told once that if you just start writing when you have writers block usually it helps. So that 's what I'm doing I guess.
       It's funny, just of couple of years ago I would have summed my life up by saying it was one tragedy after another. I really hadn't been a good person. I had been selfish and very insecure. But everyday I thank God that I was led back to Him. And now I see so much good in my life. Even events that happened in the past. Like my mother's death... I mean I really miss her. And I think about her constantly but I see how my relationship with God would not be where it is now without that happening. And the fact that God brought my step mom Linda into our lives is a blessing. I don't know I've been thinking about my mother a lot today. About how wise and loving she was.  There is Bible verse that she put in a frame for me and it is,

"When you seek the Lord... Wisdom will enter your heart, and Knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and Understanding will guard you." -Proverbs 2:10-11

I pray that I follow this verse everyday. That I seek after the Lord full hearted. I also pray that I will have an impact on people like my mother did. She was strong and beautiful woman. I guess that's what I was supposed to write about today.

I am weak

Lord
I am weak
I stumble over everything
My heart tends to stray
I need Your guidance
everyday

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today

Lord
I am empty
come fill my heart
with your Spirit
Lord I have hurt you
Please forgive my
selfishness

I am crying
for help
I have fallen from the
path
I am sorry for my
foolishness
that has gotten in the way
of your will for me
today.

                                  -GCS 11

perspective

This is something I wrote while looking back on stuff that has happened in the past. I don't know. I was just thinking about how when I'm at my worst, I'm still blessed...

Blessed

 I feel alone
 my world seems small
I am just a simple being
trying to make it through
keep my head down low
no one will see me
Never stand out in a crowd
that only brings misery

Thoughts rushing through my head
pain I wish I had never lived
When does it end
When does it all go away
I'm falling through the cracks
I need a strong hand

Everyone
stares and laughs at me
my pain brings joy
to those who think ill of me
I've tried to turn the other cheek
but their both bruised and sunken in
I don't understand why
I live like this
I was made for more
but now I just exsist.
No point
No reason
No joy
No laughter
I'm just shell

Find me here and pick me up
from  the cold hard ground
Break chains of lies that bind
 Hold my head up high
I will never be alone
never be alone
You're there with me
You've seen my hurt and my pain
You've carried me through the rain
You are there
Let me never forget
the blessing you give
to me
I am forever blessed.
                                          -GCS '11